IndyCar Dream Girl Lauren Bohlander was recently sent to learn how to weld at Lincoln Electric for Up to SPEED.  Earlier in the season, they sent her to Speedway Motors to learn about the new crankshaft in the Indy Lights engines.  I’m particularly glad to see that they’re doing something informative (ok, the welding one was kind of boring) with her in the offseason.

Now, the real question:  What other offseason episodic installments of Up to SPEED (say that five times fast) should they do?

First, I’ll take the obvious one: Up to SPEED: Will’s Place.  First, I don’t have a home in a week and a half.  Second, it’s misogynistic and disrespectful.  Third, I’m way out of her league.

Second, Up to SPEED: The Ganassi Secret Tunnel.  I, personally, would kill for this episode.  Unfortunately, Lauren would probably be killed if she saw it.

Finally, I had this idea a few months ago when driving back to Cincinnati: Up to SPEED:  Arni’s Revenge.  I think they should commission me to direct.  Essentially, it would start with Bohlander walking into the break room and saying, "I’m Lauren Bohlander, and this is me getting coffee."  All of her activities would be self-narrated in the same way.  It would involve her interviewing Tony George about his coffee, getting nothing more than a confused look from the head man.  It’d also involve Arni in various costumes.

Basically, it’d be a Road Runner cartoon, except, in the end, Arni would seemingly succeed.  He’d then pull out his awesome microphone and claim his rightful throne.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, January 7th, 2009 at 10:23 pm and is filed under ICS. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.