Do you know what this is?

Well, I have no idea what it is called.  Heck, two minutes ago, I wouldn’t have any idea what its purpose is either.  One man who does?  Scott Dixon.  You see, they don’t call him the ice man because of his (I’d argue unfairly) perceived lack of emotion. When running go-karts in The Shire, he actually funded his effort by delivering ice.  His outfit matched the times, because everyone knows that early-90s New Zealand was like the States during the Depression Era.

He saved up his earnings from delivering ice to escape The Shire for Australia.  While in Australia, he found nothing but disappointment.  They spoke an even more nonsensical language than the land of hobbits.  They had a series called Formula Holden, which was some sort of bizarre formula series.  The series was run by a group that referred to themselves as the "Network", but the "Network" was actually a religious cult that worshipped the ghost of William Holden.  He knew that Australia wasn’t the answer, so he looked towards America. 

How the heck was The Ice Man going to get to The States?  Certainly the seedy ice world was enough to get him across the Tasman Sea, but how could it be enough to get him across the entire Pacific Ocean?  One day, he managed to get a meeting with the one of the fathers of the five families that ran the ice racket in Sidney, Don Dundee.

Scott asked The Don for a favor: to fund his desire to race in the United States.  Fortunately for Scott, Don Dundee’s daughter was to be married that day, and it’s well known that an Aussie Boss can’t turn down a request on such a day.  Scott knew, though, that some day, and that day may never come, The Don would call upon Scott to do a service for him.

So suddenly Scott finds himself on a plane bound for Indianapolis (via LAX).  As a man of little emotion, Scott was quickly signed by Stefan Johansson, also a man of little emotion, to drive for his Indy Lights effort.  Oriol Servia won the championship in Dixon’s first year, but he also finished behind open wheel legends Casey Mears, Philipp Peter (who also holds the record for most consecutive p’s in a name), and Jonny Kane.  He went on to win the Lights championship the following year with PacWest and moved up to the big cars of CART the following year.  Once PacWest crashed and burned in the Great Dot-Com Fire of Silicon Valley, Toyota bought the deed to his soul from Don Dundee and farmed it out to Chip Ganassi.  After a switch by Toyota and Ganassi from CART to IndyCars, Toyota signed the deed to Dixon’s soul over to Ganassi directly when they decided that he wasn’t hillbilly enough for their next adventure.

Now, we approach the final race of the season.  The rumor on the message boards is that Dixon has managed to convince Ganassi to put the deed to his soul on the line in the championship battle.  Should he win the championship, he will have regained the right to his existence.  If he doesn’t, rumor has it that Gil de Ferran has been scoping out Dixon’s soul from afar and is trying to get Ganassi to sell it.

Fin.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, September 30th, 2009 at 7:33 pm and is filed under ICS. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.