If you read this website in any sort of regularity, you should probably seek professional help you’ve probably come to realize that I’m a pretty cynical person.  It’s not a harsh cynicism.  I just generally don’t get my hopes up for things and instead just dream my own reality and make pictures from it.

Well, I refuse to acknowledge what people are taking for granted in Thursday’s oddly vague special event, but I’ve got a couple theories of my own on what will happen:

• Corned Beef will now be the official lunch meat of the IndyCar Series (tough break, bologna).  TK/7-Eleven partner Oscar Meyer is furious. The March race hypothetically set for Brazil is moved to Ireland to correspond with St. Patrick’s Day.

• Realizing that the Gene Simmons experiment failed not because it was too cheesy but because it wasn’t cheesy enough, Europe has been brought on to make our new theme.  Ed Carpenter will play the role of GOB.

• In an attempt to satisfy those who complain about how ugly the modern day Dallara is, the League announces that the DP-01 will be used next year.  At the same time, though, human drivers will all be replaced by monkeys, and the league will be known as the Chimp Car World Series.  While the league will instantaneously become the most popular racing series in the world because monkeys are funny, the folks on the message boards will still complain about a lack of American-born drivers.

Any other ideas as to what could be coming on Thursday?

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