Lord Randall Bernard, Officially Metal

I haven’t bothered to read the article, but according to the Indiana Business Journal, Lord Randall Bernard is going to start slaughtering animals, namely cows, to resurrect our sport.

And not just any cows, mind you, but sacred cows.

The IBJ has been given a lot of flak recently, possibly unfairly, for judging Lord Randall as a C, I presume on the classic A-through-F scale (why was E left out?).  I guess I think it’s premature to assign the guy any grade because he’s still got that new CEO smell.

Well, after releasing vague engine specs and forming a committee that will probably come to some sort of vague, inconclusive conclusion, because that’s what committees do, Lord Randall is finally doing something straightforward and 100% undeniably awesome by promising to kill cows.

Killing cows for entertainment is pretty metal, but I’ll have to see the performance before I decided if it’s 666, The Number of the Beast metal.  It’s at the very least 667, The Guy Across the Street from the Beast metal, if not 668, The Neighbor of the Beast metal.

2 Responses to “Lord Randall Bernard, Officially Metal”

  1. Roy Hobbson Says:


    [headbangs violently]

  2. The Speedgeek Says:

    This explains a lot. At the Burger Bash, some guy was accosting Randy about TV numbers versus NASCAR’s. I thought I heard Randy muttering something about Brian France firing a musket but that Randy was intending to run him through. Interesting.